On a regular basis I feel like the biggest hypocrite that’s ever walked the planet. As a Christian husband, father, and pastor I’m constantly seeking to lead others toward full maturity in Christ, all the while seeing clearly my blatant moments of immaturity.
Of all people, my wife has the privilege of holding a lifetime season pass with a front row seat to my daily blowouts as a Christian: my selfishness, my overreacting, my underreacting, my tunnel vision, my lack of vision…..etc. The list goes on. (See Erin for more details)
So there’s an ongoing feeling of inadequacy of being able to be the man my wife and boys deserve. Ever feel that way?
And there, crouching at my door every day, is this nagging temptation: “Stop caring, stop leading…..give up. If you can’t lead yourself, then stop trying to lead others.”
Thankfully we find one of the great pillars of the Christian Church, the Apostle Paul, speaking to this very struggle inside of each us:
[box] Romans 7:18-25: For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. 21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord![/box]
If God can use the Apostle Paul to pen line upon line of eternal truth in scripture as well as take the Christian faith to the lost globally. He can use broken people like you and I.
God chooses to use imperfect people like you and I to lead and love those around us. (<Read that sentence again.)
God may not make junk, but he uses it every single day to show what He’s able to work with.
Why does He do this? Because He gets the glory for it all.
To me this is: Unbelievable. Crazy. Humbling.
So before you look for ways to meet the needs of your family, you need to first come to the understanding that He can do this through you. Don’t get stuck worrying about if your family will ever be able to see you that light.
Trust in God’s word. Take some time in prayer thanking God for the victory He’s given you through the cross. Ask Him to allow you to be the conduit of love, strength and blessing to your family as he’s designed. I’m praying with you.