I spank my kids.
I love my kids.
I don’t like to spank them, but there are rare times when it’s necessary.
In our home there are three reasons that prompt a spanking. Before I share those reasons, let me share with you why I spank.
If God disciplines us out of love, we must discipline our kids out of love. As a Christ follower I’ve embraced the word of God as my life’s compass and spanking is clearly taught in scripture. Take a look:
Prov. 13:24: Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
Prov. 22:15: Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
Prov. 29:15: The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
3 Reasons that prompt a spanking: (*just my philosophy)
1. Lying: We lie for one of two reasons: to get what we don’t deserve, or to not get what we do deserve. Lying absolutely eats away at the foundation of a child’s developing character. If I’m to help mold and shape my boy’s character, there can be no toleration of lying in these formative years.
2. Hitting out of anger: Everyone gets angry, but violence can never be seen as a proper response to someone making them angry. I don’t want my boys growing up to be men that hit their wives, their kids, their boss, or whoever just because they’re angry.
3. Rebellion: Rebellion is sin to God, so it is when my kids rebel against their mom and I’s direct instruction. We are seeking to teach our boys to humbly follow those in authority in their lives.
1. Never Spank in Anger: Whether what my boys have done has made me angry or not, I never spank immediately after the offense. I send them up to my room to wait. This does two things: It allows them to think about why they’re getting a spanking and it also gives me time to cool off if I am upset.
2. Clarify the why: I first make sure that my boys clearly understand the “why” behind the spanking. My boys know by heart the 3 above reasons for a spanking.
3. Set Limits on yourself: Limit force. You want the spanking to be uncomfortable, not injure. Limit your number of swats. I do 3 every time. Again, spanking should not be done haphazard. Have a loving plan.
4. Hug and Hold: Obviously, my kids don’t like to be spanked and it’s immediately apparent during and right after the spanking, but once they’ve calmed down a bit, they almost always sit next to me as I hug and hold them for a bit. They don’t doubt I love them.
5. Lead to Repentance: Repentance is turning our hearts from evil and embracing God’s best. After the spanking I tell them I love them and encourage my boys to pray a prayer of repentance to the Lord. If repentance is needed with someone else in the family, I encourage that as well.
Parents must be on the same page in regards to the why and how when it comes to spanking in their home. You need to talk through who will spank: one or both of the parents. Also, at some point your kids will come to an age when spanking is no longer effective and other forms of discipline are needed.
This is a hot topic. I get it. But, let me encourage you to seek God on this: study the word of God, pray, discuss and make a plan. Your kids and our society are counting on you getting this right.
I’d love to hear your thoughts below.
*You can also click here to pick up my free eBook: Talking With God: 31 Days of Focused Prayer