Before GPS and smartphones, men were notorious for getting lost and refusing to ask for directions. This type of pride doesn’t just pop it’s head up when we’re driving. It spills over in to our marriages. I should know. I had no roadmap to navigate the early years of my marriage. Like most men, I had the “I got this” mentality when it comes to life’s challenges; refusing to show any signs of ignorance.
It’s like when I took my first pastorate out of college. While I had the bible degree I was absolutely clueless as to how to pastor in the real world. So I invoked the “talk fast, walk fast” principle to give people the illusion that I must know what I was talking about. While we may be able to pull this sham over on groups of people, it’s impossible when it comes to our spouse.
Think about it. Is your wife getting the same attentive man you sold her on before you were married? You know what I mean. You were her hero boyfriend: love notes, long conversations, countless compliments, dropping your priorities to meet her every need. If you’re honest, for most of you the answer is no. So you can understand why your wife might feel like there was some false advertising.
I remember the first time Erin shared with me that I had changed in this way. “You use to leave me notes and come up with creative ways to tell me how much you loved me. Where did that guy go?”, she said humbly. Ouch. Hearing that was like a kick in the gut…..because I knew she was right.
Your wife might not be able to articulate with words that deep, nagging, frustrating, longing she feels on the inside, but that doesn’t mean it’s not there. Being the hero boyfriend is easy, being the hero husband takes a lifetime. If we’re going to be able to truly be the hero husband we’ve always wanted to be in our marriage, we must start out with humility: “Lord, I don’t know. Teach me.” God is a good teacher that way. He teaches the humble.
One of the greatest gifts you can give your wife is humility.
Why not start with this prayer: “Lord, I need your help in this area of loving my wife and family well. Make me teachable and teach me how I can best express that love toward them. Lead me as I lead them. In Jesus name, Amen.”
I’d love to hear from you. What area in your life as a husband do you know you need God’s help in? Share below.